On the Quest for Greatness

Feel the fire

You do not know me. I do not know you. But here we are today, engaging in the arts. Our difference is point of view but our greater and more important commonality is that this medium is something we both enjoy to the furthest extent. And sometimes I wonder what of my inhibitions when I’ve already committed to the path that chose me? What of uniqueness and internal validation when consuming others’ work? Most times I’m at a loss for words even confused as to why I tend to internalize others’ success and lose all sense of direction. It’s kind of weird. It is also very annoying.

One thing that remains constant across all mediums is that the most honest and heartfelt works are often going under the radar completely unnoticed but with that, they’re also [once consumed] some of the collected works that go on to be considered classics. And I know, the term is widely used and very subjective depending on who you ask but in my eyes, I am focusing on one key point: artistic honesty. So let’s get into it.

Embrace nudity

Photo by Zac Durant on Unsplash

I think the white boys say “let’s rock out with our cocks out” or some weird shit like that. I don’t know, maybe I should have opened with that but it reinforces my point about artistic honesty. You may not remember everything that you read here today but you will remember that foolishness that fell before your eyes a few moments ago.

So let’s try a different approach… here is a terrible song but in my heart, it will forever be iconic and dare I say classic. And as a black man, you have no idea how this jawn used to go crazy back in the day.

“Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you cannot find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions”

Yes, yes, I had to include this song. ‘Why’ you ask? Well, why not? And I am almost certain that reading those lyrics brought you back to a certain time period in your life, bringing a smile to your face. And that, right there, is what I mean by embracing nudity.

I can almost guarantee Natasha had no real expectations for 2004’s smash hit Unwritten. Because with creations like that, you have no idea where it’s going to end up but you do know that you feel good when creating it and when you feel good, it doesn’t matter when the project ends up. You poured your heart into something and the proof is in the pudding.

For me, when it came out, I would butcher the lyrics as a joke and hum the melody off key because it was funny to me and those around me–but as time went along and I started to fully listen to the lyrics, this tune grew to become part of my everyday routine. Though I didn’t purchase her work exclusively or anything like that, I did keep this song’s memory alive and well no matter the situation.

How you view your work is not the same way you’ll view another person's work especially as an artist of the same caliber. A friend of mine writes poetry, I do too. But she is a woman. I am obviously a man. Two different perspectives and sensibilities, however, her work very much inspires me as mine with her.

I mention her because one aspect of her writing is to be very raw and authentic with little to no outside influence. Though in recent conversations, she has hip me to game about sharing similar feelings in regards to the work, but when you sit and read her stuff? It’s like damn, you have a beautiful mind and a rich spirit that has obviously manifested itself into cohesive and multifaceted ideas that will impact millions across the world. She’s that dope to me. I also mention her because she is one of many whom I look towards when I am doubting my ability or trying to capture a certain point of view strictly revolving around vulnerability and the many different tenets of self-expression. And much like Natasha, my friend does not know where her work will go or how it will impact her readers [especially me] but she remains true and honest to her craft regardless of what goes on around her. And that’s been my issue lately. I haven’t been able to fully capture what I really want to say because I am unconsciously asking myself ‘how will this be perceived’? Or ‘is this as helpful and important as I think it to be’? And that really doesn’t matter. Outside reception and praise really doesn't matter.

We often get caught up in what others are doing for the sake of competition and pocket watching and it's unnecessary. Well, I shouldn't say we, I know I get caught up in how far along some people are because I want to be there as well but I'm not. So I may have to go back to this old pattern that churned out beautiful results. Whenever a book idea came to mind or random work in progress, I wouldn't engage or really critique any one of my peers or discuss what I had going on. Just headphones, jazz and my laptop.. this remedy is what produced 3 book publications in one summer. Sounds lonely but at least I got work done and felt more productive rather than feeling lazy and unworthy of calling myself a writer.

Shutting down isn’t always the best remedy to certain situations but in this case, when I am closed off from everyone and everything–I am my most honest and vulnerable, it is something that I really cannot explain but at least I know I am more apt to create something meaningful when in my own world rather than producing something halfway decent when submerged into what everyone else has going on. And I think that’s the uniqueness of what separates most decent projects apart from those in a league of their own.

Which honestly brings me to my next point. I am unsure of his writing process or even what he does but one of my favorite writers is Ta-Nehisi Coates and everyone knows this, he is also the reason why I have a blog/newsletter; and what interests me about him and his work is not just that he is a black man or a father, child of a black panther or from a particular part of America a select few like myself understand but his ability to lay down everything and make it plain so that anyone can understand where he’s coming from. Coates also has this courage or fire in his work that ignites something deep within my soul that further proves why he is my favorite and someone I not necessarily wish to emulate but hope to be on the same playing field in terms of intellect, wit and artistic integrity. Coates, in my mind, is one of one. His voice may be similar to others but there is no one like him out there. Deeply honest and raw, two very necessary attributes to hone when openly practicing the art of writing.

I believe I have what it takes to be on the level of those I have mentioned but like most things in life, good things or anything worthwhile takes time and I am quite sure it took time to be that good.

I am sure it took Natasha quite a few tries or even a few years to create something as unique as Unwritten. I am sure that it took Ta-Nehisi a few years to drum up the courage, let alone strength to piece together something as magnificent and thought-provoking as We Were Eight Years in Power. Lastly, I am just as certain with the others as I am about my friend who wrote a 2 part series titled Scandal in the Dark. I can also assume that while creating each of those projects, the last thing on their mind was ‘damn, I hope this is good.’

So as I head back to the drawing board, my virtual presence will remain spontaneous yet I am turning back the clock on my work and how long the process will take.

Peace!